Anal Sex Techniques and Positions
Anal sex without discomfort - the steps to success:
Of course safe sex is essential, especially around anal penetration. However there are plenty of resources available which describe safety precautions in great detail, so I'm going to avoid repeating most of that information here.
Most couples who are starting out on
the path of trying anal sex will wonder at some point what could possibly be
enjoyable about it.
Well, in essence, the reason that anal sex is exciting is because it's slightly naughty, forbidden, all "taboo". It's breaking the boundaries of conventionality and it has a degree of excitement because it goes beyond what seems "decent" or "normal".
And, most of all, it's exciting, because the anus is amply provided with erogenous nerve endings, and for men the tightness of penetrating the female partner can be very exciting and rewarding. (Conversely, if you're into it, being penetrate as a man gives you a whole load of sensations in your prostate gland which can make an orgasm is more powerful, longer lasting, and deeper.)
However, if you find you aren't too excited buy the idea of anal intercourse, but you are rather fearful about sex instead, check out this site.
Video - anal sex
One of the biggest problems for an anal virgin is the fear that the man's penis will be too big to penetrate comfortably. The reality is that with lots of lube, and slow and steady pressure, penetration can be easy, but you do need to be in a certain state of mind before it will happen.
That's about relaxing, opening up, knowing that your body can take it, and being willing to accept penetration in this way. Once you've got over that hurdle, anal penetration can be easy, as the body tends to respond with relaxation of the anal sphincter when required.
It's actually quite normal for the muscles of the anus to clamp tight when pushed from the outside, but provided the muscles are properly relaxed even the biggest penis will fit easily.
The key to painless anal sex is to relax your muscles naturally, and the best way to learn to do this is to practice on your own. (Of course, if you're particularly uninhibited, there's absolutely no reason why shouldn't play round together with your partner, but that does require a degree of openness and intimacy which you may not feel comfortable with.)
If you find that you need to persevere to learn how to relax your anal sphincters, and you still want to try anal penetration, my advice would be not to give up too soon: anal intercourse can be very rewarding and bring a special level of pleasure to sex, but the reason most people give it up is because they haven't truly learn the art of relaxing the anal sphincters.
Admittedly, even when you're experienced the art of anal penetration, is still possible to feel some pain at the moment of penetration. The difference is that you don't clamp tight in fear when you're an experienced anal fucker; instead, you relax more, your partner stops pushing, and you wait until the pain subsides, after which you can resume penetration enjoyably.
So you might want to practice initially with a dildo, perhaps even a series of dildos of increasing size, until you're comfortable with anal penetration.
If you're a new relationship and you're trying this, make sure that you both understand how experienced or inexperience the other is, so that there's no risk of poor communication and the experience doesn't turn into challenging ordeal.
Video - Laci Green - sex educator extraordinaire on anal sex
Step one: cleaning up
If you're on the receiving or penetrating end, you're very likely to be worried about cleanliness: not just because it's aesthetically distasteful to have a dick covered with shit, but also because on a more practical level shit can be quite abrasive and lead to soreness if you penetrate without sufficient lube.
If you happen to know that you pass all the material in your colon when you go to the toilet, you may need to do nothing more than simply wash thoroughly on the outside of your anus: if you're in any doubt about how clean you are internally, you can put a well lubed finger up through your anal sphincters and just feel whether or not there are small particles of waste matter left inside.
If you want to be 100% certain that you've got them all out it's easy enough to get a suitable anal douche from an online sex shop. It's advisable not to use an enema because the quantity of water you put in is so great that you may find some of it gets trapped, only to emerge at an inconvenient moment when you're enjoying intercourse.
In any event, it's a very good idea to have a thick towel underneath you so that you can catch anything, liquid or solid, that might happen to emerge as you enjoy sex.
Step two: turning on with foreplay
The whole idea of foreplay is to turn you on so that you are both relaxed in body and mind, and accept the idea of anal penetration. (Many people find ideas that are not acceptable when they are not aroused become very attractive when they're sexually aroused, and nowhere is this more true than in anal play, the very idea of which may be a turnoff in the initial stages of sex, but seem very appealing after you are aroused.)
If you're an experienced ass fucker you may even find that during foreplay you feel your anal sphincters relaxing in anticipation of penetration, as well as experiencing the mental or emotional desire to be penetrated.
Step three: rimming around the anus
Rimming is the word used for licking around your partner's ass hole, and even penetrating it with the tip of your tongue. If you're a woman learning to be penetrated, you can get an idea of what it might feel like by using a gentle fingertip pressure on your anal sphincter while you masturbate, perhaps building up to full finger penetration in a rhythmic way, as though you were being fucked.
If you're a man, it's well worth exploring the sensations you get by adding a little bit of anal play with a finger to your masturbatory experience: you will probably find it enhances your sensations considerably.
When you're aroused, it's a great idea to lick around the rim of your partner's ass hole, using plenty of saliva as lubrication; at some point you may feel you want to explore by penetrating gently with the tip of your tongue, an act which is likely to make your partner wants further penetration.
Please bear in mind that this kind of intimate play may increase the chances of you getting an infection such as hepatitis from your partner who may be a hepatitis carrier without knowing it. If anal play will be a big part of your sex life -- and arguably if it's any part of your sex life -- then you might consider getting inoculated to protect yourself against hepatitis. You can read more about this here.
Step four: lubing your finger and penetrating your partner's anus
Using fingers to open up before you penetrate with the penis is a gentle way of making sure that your partner is relaxed, and since you can start with one finger and move up to as many as three, it's a good way of ensuring that she's open and ready for sex with your penis (or, in the case of gay men, that your male partner is receptive to your penis).
If you use a dildo instead of fingers, remember to cover it with a condom, and don't share it with anybody else to avoid the transmission of infection. If you practice with dildo make sure you've got one that is less than 5 inches round, which is about 1.5 inches across in diameter, and certainly much less than 7 inches long. Anything bigger than this is not going to help you learn to relax easily.
(And please, do everything you can to avoid an embarrassing trip to the emergency room to extract a can of deodorant, or some other foreign object that you've decided to use for a spot of anal stimulation: while the hospital staff will have seen it all before, you can spare yourself considerable embarrassment if you stick to sex toys and use them sensibly.
In this context, it's a good idea if you use a butt plug with a wide base so that it can't penetrate further than it's meant to.) Quick fire in bed, lacking ejaculatory control?
Step five: penetration with penis in a condom
When you're both ready, have the penetrating partner roll a condom down over his erection and add ample lubrication -- remember the motto: too much lubrication is just enough. If you want a try sex without a condom (so-called bareback sex) then you really have to be 110% sure of your partner's HIV status.
Anal sex is the easiest way to transmit the HIV infection, and infection rates are now increasing again as people become blasé about the risks of unprotected sex.
So how to start your journey into anal penetration without anxiety or stress? There are many positions for anal sex, but how can you decide which are the sexual positions for you?
All the ones you use for vaginal sex can be adapted for anal sex. However, a good one is a squatting position where the receiving partner squats over the man with the erection, because it allows her to control how fast his dick slides into her ass.
When you've achieved full penetration you can move into other positions, but the element of control that is implicit in this position may lessen anxiety from the partner who is receiving.
You might find doggie style, where the receiving partner kneels on all fours is more comfortable, and another favorite is the classic missionary position. In all of these positions, if you are the receiving partner, let the penetrating partner gently press the tip of his erection against your ass hole.
Add plenty of lube, and each time that he presses the tip of his erection against your ass hole, allow it to open wider and wider. He may feel your muscles are resisting at first, but it's important that at this stage you don't panic, or experience anxiety about what's happening, because with slow and steady pressure your anus will certainly relax and open up.
Remember that any tightness can induce men to have a faster orgasm, so check out techniques that will enable you to stop premature ejaculation and last longer in bed during intercourse.
At the point where your muscles do relax and your partner manages to penetrate through your inner sphincter, you may feel a little bit of pain or discomfort: if so, ask the penetrating partner to stop and wait until these muscle spasms end.
It's nice for the receiving partner to have the penetrating partner push their dick in and out slowly and gently, withdrawing and then pushing a little bit further each time. Such slow insertion can be very erotic.
When you've finally achieved deep and full penetration, it's important that the penetrating partner remains motionless for a while so that the muscles around the anus can relax.
At this point you can start rhythmical fucking in and out. If you're not comfortable, have the penetrating partner adjust the speed and angle of the thrusting.
You'll very quickly find that you're experiencing pleasure rather than discomfort. Here are some more resources which can really help you enjoy this to the full, whether you're gay or straight.