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Anal sex may appeal to you for lots
of reasons. For example, it may just be a sexy game, an exciting and arousing
experience to enjoy the "naughtiness" of exploring a part of the body that is
normally taboo. Or it may be that you find anal sex arousing because it
introduces new excitement and thrills into your sex life.
You may want to find a
new way to please your female partner during sex. Of course, many men find the
sexual attraction of the female bottom incredibly powerful, and this sexual
signal and the "secret" nature of the anus can be just as arousing as the vagina
to some men. There's a physical aspect to this as well, of course, for the
tightness of the anus is a source of sexual pleasure. Much of this information
is explored in
Jason Julius's work,
Orgasm Arts, which is also known as the Female Orgasm Blueprint. However you see
it, it is a fine blueprint for men to take women to easy orgasm.
If you consider that the three
things that make sex physically satisfying for a man are tightness, warmth and
moistness, you can immediately see that two of these three elements are present
in anal sex, and with the use of plenty of additional lubrication, there is the
potential for very satisfying sex. But in many ways it is a pointless exercise
to ask why men and women find anal sex exciting.
If you are a man or a woman who
wishes to explore the possibilities of sexual pleasure from this part of the
body, then why not go right ahead? But do remember that the best way to enjoy
all sex is to adopt a light hearted and playful approach, and see where that
takes you. There should be no recriminations if either or both of you finds that
the whole thing is unacceptable, and you therefore prefer to leave anal sex to
The sexual positions which you can use for anal sex are very
similar to those which you can use for normal sex: indeed, the techniques that
make anal sex successful are more about achieving easy penetration, overcoming
inhibitions (around cleanliness, for example), and relaxing to accept the new
sensations which anal sex provides. There's much more information on
dating tips for men
like this this elsewhere on the site, including a great review of the most popular work by Linda Allen.
Depending on which survey you read,
about two thirds of couple have tried anal sex. However, the truth seems to be
rather different, for when you ask couples in the general population (i.e. not
readers of the websites in which sex surveys appear) rather fewer than twenty
percent of us are anal aficionados. That's still a lot of sexy couples playing
with back door pleasure, of course, but there's no reason why the number of
people trying anal action should have any effect on your decision about whether
to incorporate it into your sex life!
However, there may be conflict if
you want to try it and your partner doesn't....what do you do then, to fulfil
your wishes and to respect their desires? The first option, of course is to
discuss it with them.
If your partner doesn't like the
sound of anal sex, and seems totally unwilling to try it, you can discuss with
them what their objections might be, and explain to them what it is about anal
sex that appeals to you. Such a discussion can often lead to new insights and
understanding of each other's position and sexual attitudes, which will help
your relationship more generally anyway.
We've already mentioned why men
might like anal sex, but the reasons that a woman could enjoy it may be less
obvious. the answer lies in all the nerve endings which surround the anus - it
is, in fact, a highly erotic area, and the potential for sexual pleasure is
considerable. Both men and women have nerve networks which surround the anal
area and connect with nerves from the highly sensitive prostate and penis in
men, and the clitoris and vagina in women.
Having said that, it's not usual
for a woman to reach orgasm through anal stimulation, but this can happen. Most
women who are open to the experience will at least feel pleasure from the
stimulation of this sensitive area, but it may need a few tries before the
pleasure overcomes the apprehension or the inhibition that we associate with
touching the anal area. There is also the excitement of being penetrated, which
can be a powerful erotic stimulus for a woman - and indeed for her lover,
men simply delight in penetration: we can assume for both sexes the act of
penetration, be it vaginal or anal, is linked to some fundamental sexual
By the way, anal sex may not be so good for you if you're a man with premature ejaculation. Basically, the tightness of the anus, compared to the vagina, means this tendency may be
made even worse! For men who have the opposite problem - that of
delayed ejaculation - the
inability to ejaculate during sex - advice is also available from the authors of
Tips for better anal sex
Don't think penetration is
True enough, but possibly hard to
believe, the fact is you don't need to insert your penis or fingers up inside a
girl or guy's rectum to get the pleasurable sensations that make people crave
anal sex. And although some guys might find this hard to cope with, a woman
receiving anal sex, doesn't need to have his cock deep inside her either!
The truth is, by simply rubbing her
anus or even licking it (known as analingus or rimming), the person receiving
may get immense pleasure and some great sensations.
What Do Women Think About Anal Sex?
Make it feel good all the
Many women say their first anal sex
experience (and the ones after this!) hurt like hell, but seriously, ladies, it
can be great. Here's how: fist off, the woman needs to be relaxed. If she isn't,
anal sex may hurt. And if the bloke wants to shove his cock into her, hard and
deep, it's going to hurt. You need to use a suitable lube for anal intercourse
around, that may well hurt too!
You need to discuss these things,
and agree how to enjoy anal sex - neither partner should feel coerced into
having anal sex. The man needs to slow down, let his partner feel the way, let
her hold his penis and guide him into her body slowly. Once you're sure you're
both relaxed and she's open to the idea, the man can enter her about an inch,
before pulling his cock out completely, and then going back in - this time about
an inch farther - before pulling out once more. Using this slow and sure
technique, pretty soon he'll be in.
What Are The Problems?
Watch the above video and you'll see
most of the problems are the ones we know well - pain, a big penis, lots of lube
required, lack of emotional pressure from the man, take it slowly, distaste
around the idea, lack of enjoyment, lack of appeal. The simple truth is that
this is a pleasure for men more than women, and that lots of women do it only
because they want to please their man. In general, there seems to be a lot of
fear around it, and also at the same time a level of hesitant expectancy about
the possible pleasures which it might provide.
We know all that, but one of the
less well known problems develops when you've go used to the idea and you are
doing it on a regular basis. That is premature ejaculation - because the
tightness of the anus stimulates the penis so much that a man may not be able to
control himself. If you want greater control, as an adjunct to anal sex, try
Ejaculation by Command
by Lloyd Lester.
Understand the anatomy of the
There are two rings of muscles in
the anus, one external, one deeper - you can feel them if you put your finger
inside the anal canal about an inch deep and then press against the side of the
canal. They are less than an inch apart.
And while the woman may control the
external sphincter, she has little control over the deeper one, which has to
relax unconsciously - it is a reflex contraction so that even when a woman says
she is relaxed and willing, her internal anal sphincter muscle may determine
otherwise. You need to be patient and allow your partner's mind and body plenty
of time to relax. It may help to try
different sex positions to
enable it to happen.
Stimulate the anal region while you enter her
Touching the anus or rectum may feel uncomfortable for either partner, but when
you do it at the same time as vaginal penetration or oral sex, it'll feel much
better. For example, while you're making love vaginally, you can use a dildo a
sex toy in your girlfriend's anus to give her the sensation of double
penetration and of course she can insert a sex toy into the man's anus as he
penetrates her or she's doing oral sex on him. It's up to you to decide what
you'd like to try. Note: anal stimulation has been proposed as a cure for
delayed ejaculation, because it provides a whole load more stimulation.
That suggests - though we have no
evidence to back this up - that a man who comes too soon may find that he needs
to learn how to last
longer in bed before trying anal antics - or he may end up coming even
quicker than he does already!
Change your diet
For a pleasurable - i.e. shitless -
anal sex experience, eat a diet rich in fiber, vegetables and fruit rather than
processed foods. This means you will have a more or less empty rectum, and with a
gentle douche, you can be both comfortable and confident when enjoying anal sex.
Adult film stars who have anal sex always use a douche beforehand to ensure
everything is clean.
Watch out for changes to your
The tightness of the anus may mean
that men are more stimulated and come more quickly - which may be good for men
with ejaculatory problems like retarded ejaculation: the extra stimulation can
be very helpful in taking a man higher and faster towards the point of no
return, so helping him to reach orgasm quickly. However, for men with premature
ejaculation, the reverse may be true! It all depends on your individual sexual
responses. If you are looking to treat
delays in reaching orgasm this may be
very helpful. But be 100% sure you are treating
genuine delayed ejaculation before commencing treatment.
Obey the rules of hygiene
There's a reason why women have to
wipe their bottoms from front to back - shit may cause vaginal infection. So,
when your penis or fingers have been in or on her anus, you must not put them in
the vagina unless you discard the condom you used for anal sex and use a new one
for vaginal entry. Wash your fingers and hands before you use them on her
vagina. In short, go from the vagina to the anus, but not from anus to vagina.
By following these tips, anal sex
can be fun and safe. You need to be comfortable in both mind and body, so if
she's squeamish, find out why. Make sure you communicate about your desires and
wishes - this always brings you closer and enhances your sex life.
Keep in mind - especially with a new
partner - anal sex can spread STDs, so use condoms and latex barriers in anal
sex unless you're in a long term monogamous relationship and / or you've both
been tested for STD and HIV.
Continues here.... How to make a woman come